My 29-year-old son turns his face away from me and tells me he owes £30,000 due to a Bitcoin hacking of his email account. That is a shock in many ways and my coping strategies do not cope. When I recover a little, we investigate all sorts of ways of helping using CAP and debt management. He resists every move and continues to plan his wedding without telling his fiancée.
Two years later he tells us he has lost his job, and we discover it is due to drug use on the premises. Within a few hours the whole story of daily cocaine use is uncovered and, again, the dark nights descend. He is defiant, aggressive and manipulative in the months to come…it is as if now the light is on the situation, he is trying to get away from it. The practical light is on but now the God-light is on as well in the form of my prayer and more prayer by friends, church family and complete strangers.
I immediately stop all financial help, and my son cuts me off for over 3 months…no communication at all. Then my husband and I begin to attend FamAnon meetings and slowly over a year or so we begin to reset our world and our boundaries. What a blessing those awkward, tough, challenging and emotional meetings were.
Eventually, my son agrees to see a therapist and a 3-year journey of therapy begins. More prayer, more love, more support from his amazing wife. I find myself sitting at the font in Salisbury Cathedral, praying the words on the font from Isaiah 43…Do not fear for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name you are mine. Crying and praying. Crying and praying.
4 years from that initial revelation of the debt and then a year later of the drug use, and my son is still clean. A very brief time with Narcotics Anonymous, 3 years of therapy which he has just finished (calling me on his journey home from his last session to thank me for helping to pay for it), love and support from his wife, and the unconditional love from their dog, has helped. He has ideated suicide, he has stayed angry at some things, and has some physical, medical and emotional legacies of sustained cocaine and cannabis use. Last month he paid off the last instalment of one big debt and now has only one of £9000 to go.
We are getting there. The journey is long and painful and tough, but God has been with us as we have passed through the waters and the rivers have not overwhelmed us. Amen.
*Photo credit: https://www.pexels.com/@angelramflow